UNDERCOVER LULU

Saw news on regards of a Korean celebrity that had taken away her own life because of severe depression. I’m kind of affected by it due to her being the same age as me. I may not know her struggle but I know it was hard. Saw her words saying this “My life is actually empty, so I feel like I’m lying to everyone by pretending to be happy on the outside.“

That hit me hard. Maybe suicide is one of the way to let everything go. Really she’s right. When your life feels empty despite all of the presence of people it means that you’re empty. That’s me now.


Goodnight,
Lulu

Sincerely,
Lulu

Day 141 of 360,



I’m at that point of life where I tend to be disappointed on everything where I don’t get to achieve much and it didn’t reach my expectations. It’s been a tough month for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I’m thankful to have such an understanding superior and colleagues it’s just that recently I didn’t perform my task well and I feel like my performance has been somewhat declined. I feel disappointed at myself for not able to write a good report. I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself it’s just that I’m not satisfy with it because I know I can do better than what I’ve actually did. It’s really been a tough week for me to actually persuade myself it’s okay to make mistakes.

Life is like a wheel. We need to constantly learn and acquire knowledge no matter where you are. I guess I should try to make peace with myself no matter how messed up I am. And to always remember God is always with you no matter what.


Sincerely,
Lulu

83 out of 365 days



Hey there.

The reason why I’m writing a new entry tonight is because I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know what’s the problem but I’m not sleepy. I’m tired but then I can’t sleep. Apparently maybe I was angry and now my anger level is slowly decreasing maybe that’s why I can’t sleep. Meh


My life rn? I’ve been really busy with work like no kidding. I really don’t have the time socializing with new people now. I really don’t. I’ve been hanging out with the same people throughout this year. You know it’s tiring meeting new people unless you have that instant connection with that person? I’m at that age where I don’t really enjoy socializing with people. It’s draining no kidding. I’m into my job rn and for me to get new friends chances are really low because I suck at it now.

But on the positive note, I am more confident with myself now! I no longer succumb into self hate any longer. I feel so much better now. Knowing the fact I was  heartbroken last month but then I get up really fast now as compared to before. I’m recovering slowly indeed. I am really thankful with my current life right now. It’s true what people say. Go to Allah SWT all the time no matter when you’re happy or sad. Recite al-Quran whenever you have the time to do so. Then insyaAllah you’ll feel better.

It may sounds cliche but it really did heal me slowly. Hoping for a better tomorrow and future after this. Ameen ♥️

Sincerely,
Lulu

Wrote this piece with the inspiration for AADC 1's puisi that was written by Rangga for Cinta. He wrote "Perempuan Datang Atas Nama Cinta" and it was beautiful. I wrote this unconsciously and voila. I know there are alot of errors but I've tried my best to deliver it with feelings.