UNDERCOVER LULU

Monday, May 18, 2020

CHAPTER 138/366
Suara.

Suara yang menjerit di hatiku yang lara,
Memanggil nama yang tidak dikenali,
Hati retak seperti lilin yang apinya membara,
Tiada harapan untuk kembali.

Jeritan batinku yang sedang cemburu,
Ganas terpaku di ulu hatiku seperti jiwa yang kosong,
Untuk dia yang aku rindu sembilu,
Mulailah pertualangan bulan yang tidak langsung.

Berhenti detak jantungku bila hampa,
Rasanya seperti mati hidup kembali,
Aku merasakan jasadku seperti terdampar,
Tanpa arah dimana asalnya tiada sekali.

Resah jiwaku memanggil manggil nama yang tidak wujud,
Seperti manusia yang hilang siuman tentang dirinya,
Nafas yang sentiasa dihembus meluahkan rasa untuk bersujud,
Di mana cinta itu merebahkan dalam dakapanku sendirinya.

Yours truly,
Lulu



Thursday, February 20, 2020

CHAPTER 50/366

Saturday, February 1, 2020

CHAPTER 32/366
AGONY.


When will this agony ends? I’m tired really.

Monday, November 18, 2019

12:54 AM

CHAPTER 322

by
CHAPTER 322

Well hello there. We only left 38 days to enter 2020. In this post I would like to talk about the boomerang effect. I’m sure that every person in this earth experience this or is it just me. I’ve been single since who knows. Throughout my single life, I have this particular thing that I will never move on. You know how we always like those celebrities in your social media and all? I still have the same insta-crush since 2016. Little did I know that I still have a huge crush on him despite the fact that we don’t really interact with each other. *alert* I’ve already confessed to him back in 2016. 


Actually, he doesn’t know me and I don’t really know him. I just followed him randomly when I saw one of my school friend which is one of his friend tagged him on instagram. I really don’t remember why my instinct told me to follow him instead of other people. I meant come on! My friend tagged all of his guy friends and yet I chose him. What are the odds? I think I followed him back in 2015 and decided to tell him that he was my insta-crush in 2016. I’ve been fangirling him for almost a year lol I know I’m weird. 


Yes throughout those years I did like someone else outside of my social medias. But then it feels different when you have a crush on someone you know from social media. It will always come back to him no matter what. Even whenever people asked me about my type I would go back to him. I showed people my kind of guy that I would marry/date. Even though I don’t know him that well, I dare to tell people he’s definitely fits my ideal guy. I guess that’s what we called boomerang effect. Despite of you having a fling/crush outside of social media, your heart will definitely come back to the one that you actually yearn the most. In my case I’ve realized this a bit latter when I tried to make a move on him but then I was disappointed because I know he’s not even interested in me. 


To be frank, I was so excited when I saw he replied my messages but then it ended up pretty yknow bad. It’s not like we fought or what it’s just I know when a guy wants you to leave him alone kind of reply. I was sad that night because yeah I can’t content my excitement when I talked to him. I guess a crush will forever remains a crush. Who definitely crush your heart whenever you approach them. I’m not blaming him for doing that. It’s just so frustrating when you like a guy definitely they wouldn’t reciprocate back to you. It’s hard when you’re not attractive in people’s eyes. I guess it’s okay, I’m so used to it that I don’t feel sad that long. 

A rejection is a part of me that I really can be apart from it. 2020 is just around the corner and I can’t afford to have anymore heartbreaks. My heart is definitely can’t be mend anymore. I’m such a joke.


Sincerely,
Lulu

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

CHAPTER 288
Saw news on regards of a Korean celebrity that had taken away her own life because of severe depression. I’m kind of affected by it due to her being the same age as me. I may not know her struggle but I know it was hard. Saw her words saying this “My life is actually empty, so I feel like I’m lying to everyone by pretending to be happy on the outside.“

That hit me hard. Maybe suicide is one of the way to let everything go. Really she’s right. When your life feels empty despite all of the presence of people it means that you’re empty. That’s me now.


Goodnight,
Lulu

Sunday, July 7, 2019

CHAPTER 186


I’m still too lazy to write. 


Sincerely,
LULU

Sunday, June 2, 2019

CHAPTER 153


Sincerely,
Lulu

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