Hello.
This is the first post of 2021. We are still in the middle of pandemic and not much has changed since last year. I am unemployed and still looking for an employment that is suitable with my background.
Currently, I have to say I've been handling my mental health much better as compared to 2020.. No one really know my struggles last year and it was indeed a very bad year for me. I entered 2021 still not being able to cope with my sudden urge of sadness when it comes to life. Everything seems to be fallen apart and indeed earlier months of 2021 were not as beautiful as I imagine.
Lost few people in my life, dis-engaged with the people who ridiculed me even though I have no beef with them but yeah in this life you eventually will lost the people that you thought would stay in life. Meet few new people in life but at end of the day, they ended up disappoint you again.
I don't know how to feel about life lately. Today, I've been feeling abit demotivated to do the usual things that I used to do every single day. I kinda feeling numb for the past few weeks. I have the sudden urge to cry but then I can't bring my tears to come out. Maybe I'm really tired of my habit of crying without any purpose.. Or maybe this is a sign that I'm healing? I hope so..
2021 I did met someone who leads me on and because of that person, I was able to move on after 10 months. It really took quite awhile even though I've met alot of people throughout the period of time. I would call him Pangeran 2021 cause he indeed save me from that agony of mine for the past 10 months. Unfortunately, it was a short happiness that God sent to me. Pangeran didn't stay for a long time cause I think he already found his own princess to live with. My friends been telling me to come back into reality and talk to the people from the same origin instead of the people from the other side of the country.
I don't know why I found comfort talking to the people from the other side. They somehow know how to comfort your heart even though they don't have the intention to actually be with you. You know how a person can tackle you just like that even though you are quite skeptical when people show their care for you. That's what I felt. I found comfort in them. Again, I'm in my late twenties where people would want to settle down with their loved ones. Don't get me wrong I do have the feeling of wanting to settle down soon but I just haven't found the one yet. Cliche I know but yeah that's the truth about being alive.
Somehow I am thankful that I was saved from everything. I won't ask for more. I just want to be happy. :)
Man come to think of it, I can write a whole novel about my life. This will definitely be my memories once I get older later.
I'll end this random post here. I don't know when you're gonna hear from me again but I'll write soon I hope.
Sincerely,
Your 27 y/o self.
