UNDERCOVER LULU

Hi

So according to the title itself I would like to talk about finding yourself at this age. Tbh I am still lost in my own world. I don't know who am I, what would I want to be in the future and why am I even alive. I'm still trying to find myself who am I and what is my purpose of living. What exactly my goals in life.

I have goals no doubt about that but my goals are more towards serving other people well or be a good kid to my parents. Of course that will be everyone's goals right? I mean't my own goals. What I want in myself. It's hard when you are not selfish and when you  are trying to be one you will end up feeling bad about it. I do realized that I give a lot towards people around me rather be the taker. I know people often take me for granted despite of my existence whenever they need me well... I'm that friend who is always there when you need me in other words.

So this entire process of my life is for me to search my inner self which I should be proud of being myself. As a I grew older, I tend to hate everything about myself. From the way I look, my academic grades, my skills and my capabilities in living as a person. I don't have that special skills like other people you know. Everything I do is just on the average par. I am not amazed with myself cause yknow it's just my negative thoughts kicking in. I've been negative towards myself. I am 23 I'm supposed to care about other things which are more important. Who gets depression at this age? Yeap it's me. It's getting out of hands now due to the fact that I'm still searching for myself. I envy to those who are settling down with their lives. Settling down doesn't mean that they are married it's just settling down in terms where they already found themselves.

I just need help. But no one is here to help me and nobody can help me..

Growing up is a tough thing to do. Sometimes you feel like the things that you've been doing for someone you really care is the right thing in your eyes but it can be the wrong thing in the other person's eyes. Thats what we get for growing up. Sometimes people may think you are immature because how you see and perceive things but for some of us maybe we are mature enough to decide on things and we know how to distinguish between the right and wrong in life.

I've always be so sincere in every feelings that I've put towards every person that I care and love. Some may think that I would take credits for all the things that I've done but honestly everytime I can help people and aid them while listening or giving them a hand makes me the happiest person because the people that I care can be happy after that.

So what I've learnt about growing up is that people can change in a blink of an eye. I believe that I've changed alot ever since studying here in the peninsular which it cleanse my dirty souls and such. Things were easy back then when we don't really have responsibilities and problems. A personal reminder to myself that every person in this world will always face the biggest problems and stress in their life. You have no rights to sigh and complaint because there are people dying outside in the real world.

I wish I can take care both of my parents in the future and give them the biggest achievement in my life. InsyaAllah and Amin.


Sincerely,
Lulu xx

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