INCITATION

Life is like one whole book. Different people with different stories to tell the world. But one thing for sure, everyone will definitely have to go through one tough phase in their lives.

24 years of my life I have to say life had hit me hard starting when I was 16 years old. Things started to shattered my life when I was in my pre-teen years. But I know during that time I was just a rebellious teen who wants attention from her parents. When I was 22, I learned that I was not the same person like when I was 18-21 y/o. 22 is a very scary number for me because starting from that age I began to hate myself to the point that I think there's no point of me being around in the world again. I started to fat-shaming myself, calling myself ugly, not worthy and also stupid. I was never a smart person in my own eyes. I tend to feel that I am always not good enough and never ever I was satisfied with any of my achievements.

This negativeness started to spread alot back when I was doing my Degree. I wasn't happy to be in West Malaysia that time because I feel like I need to compete with the people who constantly hated me from far. That was I assumed towards the people around me last time. 22 and 23 are an odd age for me. I was bitter with everyone and also the surrounding around me. Things have changed alot. I was never the same. I wasn't the same Zulaiqha back I was in Diploma who is so confident of herself and couldn't care less about people. I tried to be that cold Zulaiqha but then when I pursued my Degree in West Malaysia, I learned that there are so much in life that I really can't be selfish towards the people around me despite the fact that I know some of them really hated me in silence. What's the point of this post? Why do I call it an incitation? Can I motivate people from this writing of mine? I am trying my best to describe how I view my life based on the age I was before. being 23 was tough because you are in the process of adulting and you are haunted by the responsibilities that you need to carry after you finish your studies. Istg that it was not a pleasant year for me.


2018 is a new start for me. 24 is a fresh and good age to throw away the negativity in me. I do sometimes feel that I am not good enough but the only thing that keeps me going is that only struggles can make me stronger and God will not give you the struggle that He knows that we can't handle. I believe everything that had happened in the past few years is to teach me there so much more in life. You really need to let go the toxicity in yourself bid by bid. I know it is hard because once you fell deep down in the dark well, you'll take a longer time to climb back up. Just remember, even if the sun is down there will always be the moon to guide you through the darkness. Saving your own self is much more effective rather than waiting for someone to save you. Take your time because I know depression, anxiety, and stress won't go away just like that. Just take care of yourself. Let's take care of our own self for our own sakes.


Sincerely,
Lulu